Stop Apologizing for Existing
On shrinking, people-pleasing, and reclaiming your space
Black women are taught to apologize before we even learn to walk.
“Say sorry.”
“Don’t be rude.”
“Don’t talk too loud.”
“Don’t roll your eyes.”
“Don’t take up too much space.”
We were taught that our survival depends on being palatable.
That our safety depends on being agreeable.
That our value depends on how comfortable we can make everyone else feel.
So we shrink.
We apologize when someone bumps into us.
We say sorry before asking questions in class or meetings.
We over-explain when we say “no.”
We shrink our voices, our bodies, our desires.
We’ve been conditioned to move through the world whispering: “Sorry for existing.”
Sis, how many more days are you going to live like that?
You do not have to shrink to be safe.
You do not have to apologize to be accepted.
You do not have to bend yourself into silence to be loved.
Your presence is not a burden.
Your voice is not too much.
Your ambition is not arrogance.
Your standards are not ungrateful.
Every “sorry” you whisper just to make someone else comfortable c…
